Will you be there?

In our darkest hour
In my deepest despair
I will be there
I will still care.
In my trials
And my tribulations
Through our doubts
And frustrations
In my violence
In my turbulence
Through my fear
And my confessions
In my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow
In the promise of another tomorrow
Ill never let you part
For you are always in my heart.

Pretty Young Thing

Michael Jackson died yesterday afternoon in California. He supposedly died of cardiac arrest (Which is not a heart attack necessarily). I feel incredibly torn up about it and I was too young to really witness his huge success, I only heard about his legendary time putting out Thriller. Of course his music and dance moves are still famous and have changed music and dance universally. I guess the reason it pains me so much is because I feel that he was very misunderstood.

Dickhead

Ryan pointed out my flaws to me yesterday. If you know Ryan you understand how incredibly ironic that is. Wait, is that irony or hypocritical or just fucking dumb? I can't really choose.

Where is the Love

This made me think of Phil's recent post.

Whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness and equality
Instead of spreading love, we're spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling down
It's no wonder why sometimes I'm feeling under
I gotta keep my faith alive, until love is found

Chasing Cars

The more and more that I think about, the more I realize how much I miss Martin and Matthew. I adore you both, but I am closer with Martin. This post is pretty much just going to be about them.

When I met Martin I thought he came off as a douche. I was really off with that one. He turned out to be really sweet and sensitive (like me ;)), smart and kind. He's always been there for me when I need him, even though he's usually pretty busy during the semester for understandable reasons.

I'm going to admit something that I don't think I have told him before but he probably knew. I was VERY jealous of Al when they started dating. Not because I think Martin is a superhot sexmuffin, I have one of those... but because he is my best friend. I was scared that I wouldn't see him anymore and that worst of all - he wouldn't care. I was also terrified of Al not liking me. When I first met Al, I thought the age difference thing really threw her off, but I could tell she really genuinely cared for Martin and was happy to be with his friends. Even then, I was still very unsure of how things would change for my relationship with my best friend. I know Martin has several best friends but apart from Louis and Phil, he's my only one. All my best friends have different roles in my life. Martin is the one I go to whenever I need to talk or feel like I'm being stupid and need some guidance. He's older and maybe he's like the brother I never had. I feel dumb writing this because I'm probably just creeping him out, but it's the truth. While getting to know Al better, I realize that she would never take him away from me as a friend, she's not that type of person. If anything, I gained a friend through Martin, Al. She's kind and so fun. I always get excited when I find out Al's coming. I love when she invites us places because it's usually somewhere I've never been and it's new and exciting. I'm not a very adventurous person but it's so awesome to have a friend like that. It's fun to try new things and Al is a fun person to try them with.

I pass by Martin's house and it hits me that I miss him. It's not the same when Martin and Matthew aren't here. We may not see each other everyday but at least we make an effort. Ryan has been somewhat of a hermit since they left (well before that too, to be honest). He goes to work and raids, and that's pretty much it. I've invited him multiple times to hang out and the last time I've hung out with him in person was Star Trek, which Martin and Matthew were here for. It makes me sad.

Matthew is somewhat still a mystery. He's shy and quiet, but I've seen him open up a lot. I know I sometimes piss him off but he still manages to put up with me. That means a lot to me :). He's always generous and friendly. When I think of Matthew I think of someone who is sincere. That's a great quality to have in a friend. He has more in common with Louis than myself but we still manage to have fun if we just hang out for awhile without anyone around. He's a great guy and I hope he's having fun in China.

It's the summer. I can't wait for Martin and Matthew to get back. We're going to have fun. It may not be CHINA fun, but it will be really fun. Movies, boardgames, videogames, restaurants, cooking pizzas!, puzzles, ER, and so on. I just want to enjoy the outdoors as much as possible this summer and relax with my friends.

I miss you guys. It kind of pains me how much I miss you guys.

Let it rock

Work is boring today.


Seriously everything about it is making me sleepy.

I'm trying to think of my birthday to keep my mind occupied. Thinking of places to go, what presents I want and who the hell to invite. Martin and Matthew are in China and they are my closer friends that I usually would invite to these kind of things. I don't particularly want to invite people I'm not that close with, just how I roll.

My ideas so far...

M Brgr
Bofinger
3 Brasseurs (Last resort imo)


I'm trying to think of more but it's hard when you dont have a car V_V

Drive my soul

Just a quick update since I have to run off to dermatology this morning...

That clinic is NUTS. Yesterday was long and intense and today is pretty much going to be the same. The main problem however is that there isn't enough room for me to be there and for the regular secretary to teach me. It gets really stuffy and hot over there. Hopefully, today won't make me as exhausted. I went to bed at 8:30 last night...