Pretty Young Thing

Michael Jackson died yesterday afternoon in California. He supposedly died of cardiac arrest (Which is not a heart attack necessarily). I feel incredibly torn up about it and I was too young to really witness his huge success, I only heard about his legendary time putting out Thriller. Of course his music and dance moves are still famous and have changed music and dance universally. I guess the reason it pains me so much is because I feel that he was very misunderstood.

Dickhead

Ryan pointed out my flaws to me yesterday. If you know Ryan you understand how incredibly ironic that is. Wait, is that irony or hypocritical or just fucking dumb? I can't really choose.

Where is the Love

This made me think of Phil's recent post.

Whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness and equality
Instead of spreading love, we're spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling down
It's no wonder why sometimes I'm feeling under
I gotta keep my faith alive, until love is found

Chasing Cars

The more and more that I think about, the more I realize how much I miss Martin and Matthew. I adore you both, but I am closer with Martin. This post is pretty much just going to be about them.

When I met Martin I thought he came off as a douche. I was really off with that one. He turned out to be really sweet and sensitive (like me ;)), smart and kind. He's always been there for me when I need him, even though he's usually pretty busy during the semester for understandable reasons.

I'm going to admit something that I don't think I have told him before but he probably knew. I was VERY jealous of Al when they started dating. Not because I think Martin is a superhot sexmuffin, I have one of those... but because he is my best friend. I was scared that I wouldn't see him anymore and that worst of all - he wouldn't care. I was also terrified of Al not liking me. When I first met Al, I thought the age difference thing really threw her off, but I could tell she really genuinely cared for Martin and was happy to be with his friends. Even then, I was still very unsure of how things would change for my relationship with my best friend. I know Martin has several best friends but apart from Louis and Phil, he's my only one. All my best friends have different roles in my life. Martin is the one I go to whenever I need to talk or feel like I'm being stupid and need some guidance. He's older and maybe he's like the brother I never had. I feel dumb writing this because I'm probably just creeping him out, but it's the truth. While getting to know Al better, I realize that she would never take him away from me as a friend, she's not that type of person. If anything, I gained a friend through Martin, Al. She's kind and so fun. I always get excited when I find out Al's coming. I love when she invites us places because it's usually somewhere I've never been and it's new and exciting. I'm not a very adventurous person but it's so awesome to have a friend like that. It's fun to try new things and Al is a fun person to try them with.

I pass by Martin's house and it hits me that I miss him. It's not the same when Martin and Matthew aren't here. We may not see each other everyday but at least we make an effort. Ryan has been somewhat of a hermit since they left (well before that too, to be honest). He goes to work and raids, and that's pretty much it. I've invited him multiple times to hang out and the last time I've hung out with him in person was Star Trek, which Martin and Matthew were here for. It makes me sad.

Matthew is somewhat still a mystery. He's shy and quiet, but I've seen him open up a lot. I know I sometimes piss him off but he still manages to put up with me. That means a lot to me :). He's always generous and friendly. When I think of Matthew I think of someone who is sincere. That's a great quality to have in a friend. He has more in common with Louis than myself but we still manage to have fun if we just hang out for awhile without anyone around. He's a great guy and I hope he's having fun in China.

It's the summer. I can't wait for Martin and Matthew to get back. We're going to have fun. It may not be CHINA fun, but it will be really fun. Movies, boardgames, videogames, restaurants, cooking pizzas!, puzzles, ER, and so on. I just want to enjoy the outdoors as much as possible this summer and relax with my friends.

I miss you guys. It kind of pains me how much I miss you guys.

Let it rock

Work is boring today.


Seriously everything about it is making me sleepy.

I'm trying to think of my birthday to keep my mind occupied. Thinking of places to go, what presents I want and who the hell to invite. Martin and Matthew are in China and they are my closer friends that I usually would invite to these kind of things. I don't particularly want to invite people I'm not that close with, just how I roll.

My ideas so far...

M Brgr
Bofinger
3 Brasseurs (Last resort imo)


I'm trying to think of more but it's hard when you dont have a car V_V

Drive my soul

Just a quick update since I have to run off to dermatology this morning...

That clinic is NUTS. Yesterday was long and intense and today is pretty much going to be the same. The main problem however is that there isn't enough room for me to be there and for the regular secretary to teach me. It gets really stuffy and hot over there. Hopefully, today won't make me as exhausted. I went to bed at 8:30 last night...

Fool That I am

Fool that I am...For falling in love with you. And a fool that I am, for thinking you loved me too. You took my heart, then played the part of a little coquette. And all my dreams just disappeared, like the smoke from a cigarette. And oh, the fool that I am. For hoping, you'd understand, and thinking you would listen too. Oh the things the things I had planned...but we couldn't see eye to eye. So darling, darling this is goodbye. But I still care, I still care.

Fool that I am, but I still care.

Fool that I am...

At the Zoo

Funny anecdote from nursing.

Back in my first semester in 2007, I was doing clinical at the Montreal General Hospital. Clinical basically consists of being a nursing student and in first year you do the basics. Changing adult diapers, giving bed baths or showers, Giving meds PO (By mouth), doing vital sign checks and communicating with the patient. That's first year first semester work.

One of the patients I had back in September 07 had had a Right CVA, a stroke. So he could not move his left arm, it was paralyzed. He also happened to not speak any english, which is fairly common with patients in Montreal. When it was time to give his bed bath, my clinical teacher decided I should take him to the showers to get him out of bed a little for that day. I agreed and a PAB helped me get him to the showers. Once in the showers, I had to hold the shower head in place for him, it was one of those moveable shower heads. I held it over him but the shower head's pressure was decreasing. I tried to adjust the pressure but it just turned out to be a problem with the shower head as a whole - it was broken. Eventually I figured that out, because it broke and started spraying me everywhere. I ended up looking as though I had taken a shower too. It was very embarrassing and my teacher said "Annie, you really don't have to shower with your patients." I turned tomato red and smiled.

It's not my fault the hospital needs renovations ;)

From Where I'm Standing

Growing up, I witnessed the 'real world' sooner than I probably should have. I went through a lot at an early age which caused some big changes in who I have become (but that's a blog for another time ;)).

I feel that some people I've met really don't have a clue as to who they are - or even worse in my opinion, who they want to be. I've always had ambitions and dreams that I've been working to accomplish. It somewhat surprises me when I meet people who have no idea what they want out of life. It just seems wasteful. That's not to say that I believe everyone should have their lives mapped out, I just think that it is very important to have an idea of where you're going and how you're getting there. It's nice to have surprises in life, but I don't want 90% of my life to consist of spontaneous decisions.

Becoming a nurse has always been my number one goal. Buying my own home would be my second.

Being a nursing student has it's ups and downs so far. Ups mainly consist of - I'm doing what I love to do, I'm passionate about it, I'm working with patients throughout my studies and doing stages, and I'm good at it. The downs are well, applicable for all areas of education - The intense amount of studying, the 40 drugs that I have to know by heart every semester, the exhaustion and all the theory on Orem and crap. It is a lot of work, but school has never been so interesting for me. I am not neccessarily the best student, but I'm intrigued by what I'm learning - which always makes it easier.

Buying a house is also huge to me. I've never really had a house that I grew up in since we moved a lot. I've always wanted the chance to decorate everything to my liking and renovate - which you can't do in apartments that you rent. Not many people my age would wish for things like a house, but I always do.

Again today, I feel misunderstood.

From Where I'm standing reminds me to know that I don't see things the same way as anyone else. Which gives me a lot of calm and relief. It's kind of hard to explain. Knowing that people aren't meant to understand exactly how I understand a situation gives me reassurance. Like that if I see things a certain way and they don't, it's just because I have a different way of thinking and viewpoint and not that they're trying to piss me off. Though I'll bet sometimes they are. It gives me hope in mankind :P. Now if only people could figure out a little bit faster that I'm usually right, the world would be a better place :). Hehe.

I feel that a big problem in the world right now is that we don't take time to take into consideration how others feel. It's always me, me, me. Which at times is very appropriate. But sometimes I feel that if we just took a minute to consider how others might feel, we'd be much better off.

A little off topic here, but I swear some people are bipolar and don't know it yet. Constant mood swings and highs and lows can be really aggravating when you're trying to work with someone. It's like you don't really know whether to say hi in the morning because they might bite your head off or if they are going to be in a great mood. Of course, when I meet people like this, I get very put-off. I start to think they're acting like that only towards me because the dislike me as a whole, but once you look into it a bit more, you see that they're like that towards EVERYONE. It's a little tiring, really. It gets old rather fast. Patience, right?

Gives You Hell

Running into someone you found cute a year ago is kind of embarrassing, especially when you're set up.

But any-way,

Said 'cute' resident was polite and kind and we made small talk. Made me feel a hell of a lot better regarding the situation. So maybe I should thank said setteruppers, whose intentions may of been to try and piss me off actually did quite the opposite.

I'm doing that whole analysing the situation till death thing in my brain right now. See, the last post was pretty accurate.

On a totally different note...
I'm a strong believer in Karma.

Say it Right

I had lunch with Kim and Phil today, along with the normal full-time gang. I came away from it feeling bothered.

I'm very aware that I'm sensitive, analytical and I can come off as overly-obsessive, but I really can't control that. I think about things a lot and some may perceive that as a negative quality, but I think it's one of the major good qualities that I possess.

Being analytical and sensitive allows me to think before I speak and say what I actually mean. I find a common problem many people possess is that they cannot say what they mean, or it's dripping in sarcasm or attitude. When that happens, you're opening yourself up to being misinterpreted and misunderstood. I find myself on the extra-cautious side. I don't say something unless I've thought all of the possible interpretations and repercussions through first. So it's pretty safe to say, if I said something to piss you off, it was probably intentional. I do not like to beat around the bush so to speak. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I have struggled with this for a long time, wondering if it's better to say something in an unclear way that can be interpreted as whatever or really analyze things and think it through. It seems like it be common sense right? But it really isn't. A lot of people see you being 'analytical' as you actually being 'obsessive'. It's also very easily to be seen as obsessive when you have dick all to do at a summer job. The talk during lunch mainly consists of boring repetitive safe conversations, teasing from Ann or the generic how's the weather crapola. That's not my style and I'm glad it's not. I enjoy talking about people, issues and reality, feel free to join me :).

I think one thing people don't realize is that no matter how quickly I become 'obsessive' with something, I can drop my interest in it equally fast.

If I feel, even slightly, like I'm being judged or criticized, I shut down. I become defensive and closed. It may not be the best way to respond but that's me. Some people yell, some people whine, I shut down...and bitch back a little bit if I am quick on my toes.

All this to say, I basically have an issue with how little thought people put into themselves and their words. The way people act is tremendously important to me. If your words don't match up to your actions, I won't like you. It's that simple. In the words of Katy Perry "Shut up and put your money where your mouth is." No one takes into consideration each other's personality anymore.

For example, I have a friend who is very sensitive, has strong beliefs and can be a little closed. I don't approach him the same way I approach someone else who isn't very opinionated and open. It wouldn't make sense, you'd be playing with fire. I guess this doesn't occur to most people but it should.

I hope this doesn't come across as bitchy, it's just how I feel on the subject.

Hey Stephen

Diagnostic center can either be really tiring and stressful or boring and slow. Today happens to be the latter. Basically, my job consists of taking the patients blood test requisition and their hospital card, asking them to have a seat and wait for their name to be called, and stamp one paper for attendance and 2-10 little pappers for the blood technician. The blood technician's name is Henry. He is the best. He's been doing it for over 15 years and he's incredible. I've had patients wait an extra 30 minutes because they wanted him, he's just that good. He's also incredibly sweet and makes me feel very welcomed. This clinic is only open from 8-11. After it closes, I go to work in the Internal Medicine Unit. IMU for short, that's where my mom works.

Working with your mother is probably exactly how it sounds -- She helps you a lot, tries to make things simpler for you but isn't afraid to say "Hey, stand up straight." when you're not paying enough attention. My mom is a very hard worker and I know her clinic fairly well. The only problem I run into is that patients always ask for her. I'll answer the phone and they'll either think I am her since we sound alike or ask for her because they don't know me. And they'll ask for her for the stupidest things! Things that I could do with my eyes closed! They just don't know who I am and don't think I'll take them as seriously, I guess. Sometimes I tell them that I'm her daughter just so that they get the message -- Hey look at me, I'm trustworthy too, it's all in the genes! It sometimes works, other times, they really just don't care.

On the complete other end of the spectrum, I get overwhelming "omgs, you're gina's daughter?! I know everything about you!!!". Which I guess are less annoying depending on the day?

On a whole different note - I just called the same french patient twice to confirm an appointment for his dad, twice and he laughed at me. I guess I'm out of it, huh? Also, my french is extremely rusty.

I got to do a little bit of dictation the other day, which was really cool because I got to read some medical jargon which is similiar to the kind of thing I'll be seeing more and more in nursing. Not to mention the doctor is adorable.

Residents and Medical students, a unique breed. I find myself being the typical nurse as in "Omg it's a doctor, I hope I look cute." and I don't flippin' know why. It's just built into my brain. It's not me being a gold digger or shallow, I think it's just I find ambition and drive really attractive and knowing how difficult it is to get into medical school makes them seem more ambitious. McGills students are a special breed of their own too. I have a strong biase to anything McGill related, probably because I almost grew up in this fricken hospital. I find these medical students and residents very different from the doctors of the older generation. The newer generation of residents and medical students dress much more professionally and expensively ;) and have less patience and tolerance for patients. I mean, obviously there's examples of doctors that support both sides but I'm generalizing.

I've gotten to know a lot of the staff at the Vic. There are some people I've become very close with and others, which irritate the crap out of me. My co-worker that works in Dermatology is very sweet and always willing to help me. She gets stressed out with all the crap she has to put up with. I never realized just how many patients need dermatology appointments and how little appointments are actually available. They have a total of like 3-4 dermatologists and they're rarely here. There is however 4 residents/medical students with her this summer, and they also happen to be very cute. What's with doctors being cute? It's like, they decided one morning they were too good looking and needed to be doctors so that more people could see just how good looking they are. Looks fade though, right?

Anyway, that was a pretty long rant. There will most likely be more today, but in the mean time that's all, folks.

That's not my name

So blogging is relatively new to me, so you'll have to excuse me for the fact that I'm using it more or less like a livejournal just without the emo. I don't consider myself a skilled writer or a person with anything worthy to write. I'm going to settle for using this blog as a creative outlet.

You can't say I didn't warn you ;)

The reason I started this blog is because of my dear friends Martin and Matthew. They are in China and I guess this is the new modern age way of 'sending letters'. That's so last year. Times are changing. Hopefully, my friends read this to maybe get an inside to what's going on with me.

Just a quick intro about myself.

I'm 18 years old, almost 19 in July. I do not want to grow up, I'd like to stay 18-19 forever, please. I am a nursing student which is such a dream come true for me and I've just completed my first year of nursing at Dawson College. I am overly sensitive, analytical and direct. I am also, kind, considerate and open. It takes awhile for me to open up to people ---even though it may seem that I am very outgoing. Just because I talk to you, doesn't mean I trust you :). Sounds a bit harsh, I guess. I've been burned too many times by too many people and so I don't trust easily. I have a summer job as a secretary at a hospital, the same hospital where my mom and dad work. In fact, I am currently working with my mom in the afternoons. She always keeps things interesting. I see things for how they are - and not what others want it to mean. I am always analysing and thinking about things. Being sensitive and overly analytical are a dangerous combo and make people think I'm bitchy. It's something I've come to live with really.

I think that's enough about me, I'll update once I'm done making some confirmation phone calls for Cardiology appointments. Ick.